For a friend, (Mun-Mun, Ruth, and Glaiza)

Friendship- a relationship between two people who share the same thought and same passion… there are those old friend, new friend, ordinary friend, boyfriend, girlfriend (ay iba na ata yun…) and bestfriend. But, when mo nga ba matatawag na friend ang isang tao? Is it when you know how to help him/her if she/he needs you? When you laugh together? When you cry together? Or when you shop together? Is there really a measurement for friendship? In some person maybe yes, there is… but in others wala…I have a lot of friends, some of them kilala ko lang sa face, maybe dahil madami na sila that why I forgot their name na… or di kaya may memory gap na ako? Me myself di minemeasure ang friendship but namimili ako ng friends, why? I cant explain it well, I’ll try this way… I can be your friend but once na may ginawa kang wrong which can affect me and yourself im sorry but I will forget that friendship, coz its not worth it na eh im not saying this for you to like me, its just that I know myself well when it comes to friendship… I can talk to you about anything you want; I also want you to be that open.I love making friends, coz somehow they can teach me things that I don’t know yet. Some of my friends describe me as fun to be with, jolly and can easily adopt in new things, talkative (which is true) and Loud, I can make you laugh the whole day (daw), sensitive and KRUNKRUNG (as always!)Sometimes I talk too much o nonsense things, but you know what? I wonder, knowing those misunderstood actions they still like me, why those projections cant deny the real me, the real feelings inside of me, why is it every time I’m pretending I’m happy (though I’m not) they still know it, with just one stare into my eyes they know what’s inside of me, are they a real friend? Can I call them a real friend?Sometimes inspite of our misunderstood talks, the away-bati days, we found ourselves missing each other company, hugging and kissing each other, and talking to each other again, seems like nothing happen! Ganun naman talaga dapat eh, we should understand and treasure each other, and cherish the memories we did.No am is an island and we can’t live alone… we need to be friendly and we should know them well, let go of a friend who can ruin your life and treasure a friends who’s worth keeping, a friend who laugh when you cry and cry when you laugh, a friend who will fight with you, when you’ve done something wrong, and hug you when you did great, who will be proud of you when you achieve what you want and a friend who will try to catch you when you fall… a friend who is worth it for friendship, A friend who will help you grow… 

 

(Me, RutH, MuN, en gLaiZa..hahaha they are my friends..anD this is my gRoUp!)

                  (taken during our juniors night!)                        (Nurses on the go!)

                       (wEeH? picture picture tym!)      (oooHHHHH!!!!???? hmmmft!)

i love my family so much!

tHe pHaNtOm oF rEaLiTy!!!?

Minsan ang dami dami nating tanong na di mahanapan ng sagot. Minsan kung kani kanino natin hinahanap yung sagot at di natin alam na tayo lang din naman yung makakasagot nun, tapos sa kakahanap natin ng sagot may makikilala tayo… tapos aakalain natin na DESTINY mo na natin siya, nun pala siya pa yung ,magdadagdag ng pain na ating dinadala…

What if once in your life may nagparamdam sayo ng kakaibang feeling? Yung tipong you’re on a cloud9 and nobody can reach you…(so high!) then in that short time he will left you a stain… stain na di na pwedeng mawala, stain na sobrang masasaktan ka… what will you do para maka move on? Find new one? Refresh? Or pretend na ok ka lang kahit hinde na? Sometimes in my life nangyare na yun, sobrang saket, almost a year kong dinala yung pain,I don’t know why ang tagal mawala na try ko na yata lahat ng defense mechanism sabi nga sa psyche’ yung mga projection, reaction formation, denial, sublimation, conversion… just to ignore the pain but still di ito nabawasan…Minsan I act like a stupid na, fooling myself na baka may pag-asa pa… I make myself believe na, it wont heal until I fall in love again, pero mas mahirap pala yun, knowing na minamhal ka ng isang tao tapos ikaw naman nag chicheat lang, he will say “i Love You” tapos you will answer him “I LOVE YOU TOO” tapos behind that is your heart saying “BUT I LOVE HIM MORE”…Meron din akong ginawa na maybe help me to move on, yung ituon ko ang attention ko sa iba, I made myself busy,and make friends to strangers, pati nga jeepney driver kinakausap ko make friends ba? siguro for them nakakatuwa kase my taong nagtitiyagang kausapin sila about thier lives… hehehe at alam nyo ba na sa sorbrang nacurious ako sa mga parker ba yun o barker eh i tried it too.. nakakatuwa, nakakaaliw syempre di na ako nagpabayad sa mama’ tulong ko na yun sa kanya.. (how nice naman is me…) I also tried to do night life because I hardly fall to sleep… the result? Well good naman…At last if found the answers to my questions na…and these are the things I did..

I face the problem…

I manage it…

I solve it…

I face the reality and its phantom… that we are not meant to be!

I’ve learn to forgive but never forget… why? Because I’ve learned something on him that can make or help me grow…

And lastly I’ve learned to call on him (GOD), talk to him and thank him… I know he believes in me kaya nga binigyan niya ako ng ganitong problem eh, kase alam niya na kaya ko…

Pinahirapan ko pa sarili ko… eh, kaya ko naman pala, yun nga lang it takes time.. maybe because break up is not an over night thing…But now I moved on… He’s out of my system!

for you!

Now you’re gone and I am forced to move on.
I never wanted to say goodbye to you, it was hard.
will you think of me still after you begin to have fun?
will you fall in love and forget all about me and what was?
We spent a lot of time arguing and being apart.
knowing very well we didn’t have time to disregard.
when will you return and if you do will it be to me?
is this really the end or a new beginning, we will see…..

iS tHere rEaLLy An “Art” in Letting Go?

It’s over. He’s gone.

Why do we have to part while
the love is still there?
Why do we have to suffer?
Why do we have to cry when
someone buds goodbye?
Why do beginnings have an end?
Why do we have to meet
only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered,
words left unsaid, letters left unread,
poems left undone, songs left unsung,
loved left unexpressed,
promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship,
one of the hardest things to do
is saying goodbye and letting go.
It is as hard as breaking a crystal
because you’ll never know when you
will be able to pick up the pieces again.
More often than not, they who go
feel not the pain of parting:
it is they who stay behind that suffer,
because they are left
with memories of love
that was meant to be,
a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end
of a relationship,
we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone.
Unfair as it may seem,
but that’s the way love goes.
That’s the drama, the bittersweet
and the risk of falling in love.
After all, noting is constant but change.
Everything will eventually come to it’s end
without us knowing when,
without us knowing how,
without us knowing why.
And we must forget not because we have to
but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come
not a single spy but in battalion.
It seems that everywhere you go,
everything you do,
every song you hear,
every turn of your head,
every move of your body,
every beat of you heart,
every blink of your eye and every breath
you take always reminds you of him.

It’s like a stab of a knife,
a torture in the night.
Funny how the whole world
becomes depopulated
when only one person is missing.
Just imagine,
there are a billion people on earth
and yet it seems you feel lonely
and empty without the other.

I don’t know if it’s worth calling an art,
but letting go entails
special skills sparkled
with a considerable space and time.
Time heals all wounds but it takes
a little push on out part.
Acceptance plays a part.
Not all love stories end with
“…and they lived happily ever after.”

Sometimes we have to part because of
circumstances beyond our control.
We have to suffer if it would
mean happiness for others.
We have to cry to
temporarily let go of the pains.
Every beginning has its end
like every dawn has its dusk.
It’s something we can’t control,
something we had to live up.

It’s over. He’s gone.

But life has to go on.
Goodbye doesn’t always mean forever.
There will be a place and time
where questions will be answered,
words will be spoken.
Letters will be read,
poems will be recited in the night,
songs will be sung in harmony,
love will be expressed in solitude and
promises will be fulfilled.
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

* This poem was written by someone else and not by me. I just though it’s a great poem that everyone with a broken heart can relate too. *      

iN my dReAmS onLy…

febuary 22, 2007 

Grabe I was so shocked when I woke up kanina, di ako makapaniwala, how nice naman is my dream…I was studying daw sa isang school (as usual nag aaral ako eh), then its not that exclusive like la salle nor ateneo, then there are lot of guys na so tangkad and a varsity type, and one of them is mr. “Tall”. All of them are active in sports, but mr. “taLL” is not, he loves to read and read and read in short he is very good in academics, then one day INTRAMURALS came, we are kulang of one player and considering the fact that si  Mr. “taLL” are the one who’s fit to it, but we all thought that he doesnt know how to play well… Mr. tall is not the snob type naman pala.. He talks to me and share his thoughts and we are exchanging text’s too, then its intrams day.. one game per department if you loose it, you have no chance to play on finals… mr. tall did everything, he shocked me when he jump to shoot for three consecutive three (3) points… di ko na maremember kung ilan yung score… unluckily we lost.. he’s mad siyempre naman sino matutuwa pag talo diba? he can’t find reason to smile but i did make him smile and we laugh together pa nga.. sabay kameng umuwi, walking distance pa nga yung house nila sa venue ng intrams [sa school ba yun? di ata..] wrong way ako but i still joined with him until he got home, for what? para di niya mafeel na im one of those people who boo him, nor whos blaming him sa pagkatalo… parang ang layo na yata ng house nila sa venue ang sarap ng feeling na nag aasaran pa kame then ito na, street na nila.. Pinatuloy niya ako duon, and there his son is waiting for him and his daughter too.. andun din ang wife niya.. sumilip nga yung girl sa window and she was so excited to know about the game.. nagmerienda kame, then kwentuhan.. biruan.. tapos i decided to go home na but his wife gave us the chance to talk with each other,mr. “Tall” told me about this blog daw sabi niya ipost ko naman daw sana siya dito then I recall I visited it tapos may nagleave ng message ther saying (_)(_)(_)(_)(_)… I LOVE YOU!
then i said “ok ill do it for you.. anyways congrats, it was a nice game! i will always be here to support you if my plan ka mag PBA” (laugh) then tumayo nako para umuwe, pero i didn’t control my emotions…myself, i kissed him sa cheeks (sa panaginip na nga lang di ko pa nilubos) then he stared at me na parang kulang yung ginawa ko…  then umuwi na ko, tapos, as i walked away from him, my tears start to fall… realizing that i am fallin’ to him.. to someone, na impossibleng mahalin ako in return.. ang saya sana no? naisip ko tuloy sana gaya ni bakekang maging close din kami ng Mr. TALL ko kahit na maging kamukha ko siya,isipin mo yun.. idol mo kumpare mo di ba? and mr. tall is no other than Mr. Yancy de Ocampo… am i inlove to him na? missing him ba means i love him na? _yAnCiEaNnE18__jOpHaNiE_   

for EX

My future 

The future lies in our hands they say

  But my future lies with him I replied

You made my world go round

You’re my word and you gave my life a sound 

What a dull life without you

 Boy you’re everything and I need you

You keep my faith strong

You’re the rhythm to my song 

For you I’ll spend my life

You will be the one I grow old not only a while      

   For you in you I see my future

In your hands I see my life

 Together we’ll one until eternity lies.    

aM I miSsiNg yOu?

Moving On…

Being confused for 2 weeks on how to start a life after what happen….
Now I am ready to move on and get over you,though I know it is so hard on my part. no one ever said, break ups are easy, and I know it is normal to miss you cause you played a major role in my life… Maybe you know that I am suffering right now, I can’t really find myself going back to normal, and making myself busy, somehow help me to forget you in mean time. I know there are reasons behind this things, that I should accept.. As what you told me, “YES” I deserve to be happy, same as you, you do deserve to be happy too, not with me but to someone whom I can’t be. Don’t ask me to forget you, it is not easy to do coz I loved you and I know you know it… don’t say your not worth for it, coz YOU ARE! Don’t say that, only because your with somebody now, -you are worth it because you made my life worth living, I am not blaming anybody here, it’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, it’s not our fault!!! Maybe were not really meant to be… and maybe the distance between us makes this relationship end, but I know blaming it on the “LONG DISTANCE” issue is weak I know it really takes a lot of effort and patience to both of us (For this things work out) and maybe I just made a big gap between the two of us… Honestly I got mad at you, coz you leave me hanging alone, I’ve been worried and think negatives about you and even try to “HATE” you but still LOVE worked out. I know nothing is permanent in this world and what we have is not an exemption to that; I’d like you to know that getting over someone is a process and not an overnight thing. And I also want to thank you for all the happiness you had given me and for inspiring me… Don’t worry, I’m still myself, …even better… I’ll go on w/ my life and try to fix it and back in normal and maybe I also need sometime for myself to heal… You are worth it to be Love, (by me?) coz I’ve learned a lot from you and I’ve been so happy having you, I know I will never be happy as that time again Thank you so much for telling me the truth, I am now “SETTING YOU FREE” and be with her, hope you’ll be happy (Both of you…) Be good, you still have someone whom you can call a friend in “ME” and I assure you that there is no such far distance between you and me; I am just a “TEXT” away from you…
YOU’RE FORGIVEN
Godspeed!
Till our road crossed again!
Take care  

someone to understand

the Room…

Why is it every time I enter this room where my classmates used to make tambay and jamming together, I felt like I don’t belong neither not worth it to be here…Why do I feel like humiliated when they are around? And asked why they can’t appreciate me, why they laugh making laugh at me instead of helping me boast out what’s inside of me…Am I always putting myself on shame? Or I am only letting them to put me on shame?I always have this questions inside of me which become tears I shed when they tease me, I know I am not perfect, nor beautiful enough to be loved by the crowd whom I consider a friend, and I can’t be perfect to suit for them for them, but I know in my self I don’t need and wont be needing them.Someday, I know they will miss me too even though somehow they hurt me in a way they can’t see and feel, even though they keep laughing when they see me crying and tease me “anong drama nanaman yan?” what a heck friend!? I am not acting, I think you’re numb enough for not to know you’re hurting me!Someday I will be out of this F*cking HELL world of being guilty not because I choose you as a friend and you never treated me as one, I’m just your laughing stuff!!! Yes I feel this guilt because even though I am not ok I always pretend I am… because of you!!!!If only this room can tell how much you’re hurting me by this time,If only this room can hear the tears shading insideIf only this room can talk about the pain you have given me,If its not this room, who? Who will tell you that you make me feel SENSELESS that I am a big NOTHING!If its not this room will I met you? Can you give me this burden I am carrying right now!Friend I am so sorry but it SUCKS!!!!I don’t want to lose you so please will you respect me too!!!?

50 Steps to an Awesome Relationship

 50 Steps to an Awesome Relationship

1. Don’t just love each other, like each other too.

2. Tell her/him how much you love her/him often.

3. Be affectionate to her/him.

 4. Say I love you to each other, at least once in every 24 hour period.

5. Tell your lover you are their love Genie and you will grant him/her three wishes. Things get quite interesting.

6. Make memories together.

7. Never forget that the simple things in life make life worth living.

 8. The most cherished gifts are the ones that come from the heart, not the wallet. make gifts for her/him.

9. Have a night that is worth 1,000,000 pesos, but on a 100 pesos budget. 10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Instead of going out on a date, plan an evening at home, turn off the lights, burn scented candles, watch the sunset, then take a long walk to gaze at the stars. 1

2. Never, ever forget “holidays”! (The ones that the two of you make up too)

13. Do everything to make him/her happy.

14. Don’t evaluate or criticize your partner.

15. Defend and respect your partner.

16. Be there for the good and the bad times.

17. Find a nice secluded spot that is only yours and take her/him there every month.

18. Call from your vacation spot just to say Hi.

19. Always ask her/him how the day was. And listen!

20. Too much of a good thing can be bad.

21. Travel more than 1 hour out of town together.

22. Dance in the rain. (Even in your best outfit)

 23. Watch the sunset together.

24. Have a candlelight dinner for two at least once a year.

25. Flirt in public. (Yes, that means holding hands)

26. Cook for each other.

27. Whisper sweet nothings.

28. Always close your eyes. Staring is rude.

29. Share your deep dark secrets with each other. (Not all)

30. Laugh together.

31. When you say “I’m sorry” look her/him in the eyes.

 32. Don’t let little mistakes become big mistakes.

33. Do anything to impress her/him.

34. Go for a drive together just to get lost.

35. Make love.

36. Make sacrifices for each other.

37. ALWAYS be honest with each other.

38. Give each other pet names.

39. Tell her/him your fantasies.

40. Tell her/him what you like and don’t like.

 41. Write a story about how you two met and fell in love and give it to her/him.

42. Hugs are the best medicines.

43. NEVER EVER cheat on her/him.

44. Play silly games.

45. Find out what’s special to her/him and do it.

46. Spend all night thinking of 50 sweet things to do for her/him.

47. Always have a notepad and pen or some stationary with you wherever you are. This way when you’re waiting in line you can write them a quick love note.

48. During weeks when you feel you haven’t had enough time with each other, send a bouquet of flowers or other gift to their work, home or school.

49. When you look into they eyes, tell her/him how you feel deep down and gently kiss his/her cheeks, lips, or point of his nose.

50. Put a note in his/her purse telling her/him to meet you somewhere for lunch.

…cam we do this?